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There goes a flock of 'em

PencilPaperIt’s all right now.

Well, maybe not – at least if you follow the less-than-Supreme-Court.

This week in a move that seemed to anger every democrat and empower every Tea-Bagger, I mean Tea Partier – I mean Republican, whatever, The Supreme Court nullified a very small portion of the Affordable Health Care Act.

The Hobby Lobby decision, as it has rapidly been called – based on the company which fought the law – has some screaming about our “Growing Theocracy” while others have cheered the decision because it supposedly supports the First Amendment and freedom of religion.

Mind you, 99.9 percent of the health care act exists but it’s a clear win in rhetoric for those who scream about “Obamacare” and religious rights.

I’d probably listen to these people a little more if the news releases I received didn’t come from the same groups who routinely send news releases denying the Holocaust and global warming. I’ve also received news releases about the “real age of the Earth” being just 6,000 years old and I’ve been told vaccinations aren’t important and fluoride in the water will deny me of my vital fluids.

Of all the strange news releases I’ve received from these groups though, a statement about low voter turnout actually being the intent of the framers of the constitution definitely takes the cake for spin.

Luckily, I managed to sneak a small listening device in one of “their” meetings:

(Noise of clucking like hens)

Speaker 1: Okay settle down boys and girls. We have a very important issue to discuss.

David: Muslims are Devils. Gays are Satan. The Earth is only 6,000 years old!

Speaker 1: Okay David has read off a list of some of the planks in our platform for the coming election. Anyone else?

Shirley: Vaccinations are the Devil. God really doesn’t want too many voters at the polls. Pass the chocolate chip cookies!

Speaker 1: Should cookies really be on our platform?

Shirley: No. I want some cookies. David is hogging all of them.

David: I am not. I have a sugar deficiency caused by vaccines when I was younger. The government shouldn’t be in my pants.

Speaker 1: Okay, settle down folks, things could be getting out of hand.

David: My mom says the real cause of global warming is too much starch in our shorts and trees.

Tom: What a bunch of . . .

Speaker 1: No cursing Tom!

Bob: Well, we all know that people haven’t affected any change at all ever in the history of the world on the climate. The oil companies are right. Let ‘em drill.

David: Oh come on, you work for Exxon. That’s like me saying cigarettes are safe, which they are by the way.

Bob: Exactly.

David: Okay point taken. But should that be in our platform?

Mary: I think the cookies should be in our platform – but not fruit cakes. They’re so awful.

(Babbling and commotion)

Speaker 1:Okay, seriously, what else should we have in our platform. We have to attract a wide range of voters if we want to be successful in the Fall.

Bob: No we don’t.

David: Exactly.

Mary: Yeah. The voters have to come to us. And if they don’t, we can just make sure people don’t go to the polls unless they support us.

Shirley: I really want a cookie. You know the other day I ate a cookie that had been vaccinated.

David: Really?

Shirley: I’m sure of it. There were chips missing. It must’ve been vaccinated.

Speaker 1: Well that settles that. Let’s ban porn, and go after all those weirdoes who think six million people were killed in the so-called “Hollow Cost.”

David: Absolutely. We have to be more respectful of the Germans. They got the trains to run on time.

Speaker 1: You mean the Italians.

David: Whatever. I want a cookie.

Speaker 1: Okay fine. Meeting adjourned! Let’s put out a press release!

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